Affirming Your Worth

This week, let’s check in with our inside!

Byron Katie quote on self loveAccomplishments, activities, accolades and things can be wonderfully validating but think about it, external validation doesn’t entirely make for happiness, at least not the sustainable kind.

Building a sense of self-worth that is independently strong, internally solid, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Recently during a #TweetChat I mentioned the research-based 5:1 Rule. Highly effective leaders (we’re all leading something, not the least of which is our lives) positively acknowledge and recognize others’ contributions — “what’s working” — five times more than “what needs work” to healthily engage others and produce the best results.

Imagine if we applied the 5:1 Rule to ourselves? For every one thing we say to ourselves that we need to improve, learn, change or stop doing or thinking, we recognize ourselves with five positive things about how we are being and what we are doing.

Pledge:  I’ll use the 5:1 Rule on ME!

Try it now! How did that self-love feel?

If you’re anything like me, this practice might feel uncomfortable or downright impossible initially. We’ve internalized messages about pleasing others first. Many of us (women especially) have been taught to look to others for approval to validate how we think, act, sound or look.

Perhaps more than that, most of us have been taught to be humble. That being humble is a highly valued trait and being vain is a real turn-off, something that will hold us back from the relationships and the life we want to have.

To begin shifting toward comfort and ease with using the 5:1 rule, you might start with this for a a week or two to get your self-worth muscles warmed up:

Affirmation:  I respect myself for who I am, not who other people say I am. Self love

How easily we can slip into centering around the external, the trappings of this world. A few weeks ago I packed up a couple of suitcases and headed to California to stay with an amazing friend who said, “Come, finish your book.”

Now, I’m freer than ever to focus on my passion, the book I’m writing that shares Main Street Women’s voices and stories. Yet I confess, there are fleeting moments when not having my “things” is a little disconcerting. When I get that niggling sense that I don’t have enough with me to wear or whatever (which my rationale mind knows is ridiculous).

Yesterday I had an awesome note from a colleague, Ann Ulrich. Ann’s amazing career includes being a plus-sized model, rising from secretary to executive in the healthcare industry, being a leadership consultant and much more. Today, she inspires others with her BOLD Factor keynote addresses, once stepping in to replace Donald Trump when his Apprentice taping schedule caused him to back out at the last minute.

Ann wrote, “That was your dream — to get away and WRITE – BRAVO on making it happen! Seriously. So COOL.”

Her note came at the perfect time as it triggered for me (again) how loving life for what we choose to be and do is what is important. I loved that Ann reminded me about how I’m living my dream (thank you http://annulrich.com/).

Since Ann isn’t here to be constantly reinforcing me, I’ve got to take responsibility for staying on my dream-track!

Affirmation:  I love my life for what I choose to be and do, not what I have. 

Hope you take the pledge to use the 5:1 Rule on YOU! I’ll be practicing right along with you and using the affirmations to keep moving not only on my book, but on what Mary Oliver called our “one wild and precious life.”

Sending out #Peacehug again as just one day, International Peace Day, wasn’t enough time to spread the love we need in this world.

 

 

Comments

  1. Jone, Your words of wisdom are beautiful and timely. Even those of us who know our worth, stand strong in our confidence, and champion the same in others… well, reality is we ALL need a shot of InCOURAGEment now and then… in fact, early and often! THANK YOU for yours!!

    I am thrilled to be included in your powerful thought-provoking post. I’m downing a fast cup of coffee to get in gear for a powerwalk along the river to begin drafting a Keynote for a new client… and your post is just the shot of real-life caffeine I needed… so much wisdom here, Jone!

    My favorite line of all – and this is going to stay with me all day – and beyond: Your friend’s simple, stunning words, *Come, finish your book.*

    Ahhh…. I have goosebumps… and here’s why: I’ll spare you the details of a story I love to share on competing in a Triathlon (many) years ago, and never expected the lesson I would learn that day: A woman just behind me in the race was struggling to finish, it was immediately apparent she had already overcome a few barriers to even be in that race, she was desperate *not to come in last place*. I suggested we turn that last leg into our own *for not last place* race to the finish line. She accomplished her goal of NOT coming in last, the former somewhat-athlete in me was a bit stunned that I actually DID come in last place(!), and yet the gift of a lifetime for me in that was realizing THIS:

    Here was an amazing person who only needed to be seen, to be nudged, to be helped reaching her own finish line. I know you so get this Jone, the gift in that is one I still share in The BOLD! Factor: *See that someone in your peripheral view who needs your help to cross their finish line.* Which is EXACTLY what your friend did for you. And I’ll post it as my LinkedIn status update just incase it helps another today… and there ya go… the ripples of greatness you launched… keep flowing…

    Keep Going Jone!! Your gifts are desperately needed. As a friend has reminded me, here’s for you and any of your blog readers who might need a reminder as well:

    Do not wait for *Perfect* before your book/your idea/your life/your work is ready to be shared. In the soulful words of Leonard Cohen:
    *Forget your Perfect offering.
    There is a crack in everything.
    It’s how the light gets in.*

    BRAVO YOU JONE for claiming your dream!
    Ann

    • Jone Bosworth says:

      Thank you for your support, enthusiasm, and as always — words of wisdom, Ann! #gratitude and huge hugs your way!

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